I was sitting on some kind of dried pond and talking to friends. We were killing the time until the last participant finally made the meeting started. The last one came. So we talked about what we should had talked. He took one cigar, I lend him my lighter. I took one cigar too. I was glad having a lighter called Sriti, because you were happy with its name. You were happy using it. 

I can't forget the way you looked at me with the tail of your eyes, that night.

happy people enjoy the music,sad ones understand the lyrics. 

August playlist:

Birdy - Just a game
The Smiths - Please, please, please get me what i want
Lorde - Liability
Athlete - Wires
Daft Punk ft. Julian Casablanca - Instant Crush
Stars and Rabbit - Man upon the hill
Lana del Rey - Yayo
Tame Impala - Let it happen
Slash ft. Adam Levine - Gotten
Aurora - Murder Song

The Almighty - Al Ikhlas

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.

Write, for example, ‘The night is starry and the stars are blue and shiver in the distance.’

The night wind revolves in the sky and sings.

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.

I loved him, and sometimes he loved me too.

Through nights like this one I held her in my arms.

I kissed him again and again under the endless sky.

He loved me, sometimes I loved him too.

How could one not have loved her great still eyes.

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.

To think that I do not have him. To feel that I have lost him.

To hear the immense night, still more immense without him.

And the verse falls to the soul like dew to the pasture.

What does it matter that my love could not keep him.

The night is starry and he is not with me.

This is all. In the distance someone is singing. In the distance.

My soul is not satisfied that it has lost him.

My sight tries to find her as though to bring her closer.

My heart looks for him, and he is not with me.

The same night whitening the same trees.

We, of that time, are no longer the same.

I no longer love him, that’s certain, but how I loved him.

My voice tried to find the wind to touch him hearing.

Another’s. He will be another’s. As he was before my kisses.

His voice, his bright body. His infinite eyes.

I no longer love him, that’s certain, but maybe I love him.

Love is so short, forgetting is so long.

Because through nights like this one I held her in my arms

my soul is not satisfied that it has lost him.

Though this be the last pain that he makes me suffer

and these the last verses that I write for him.

reckoning memories as far as i could reach, as complete as i could collect, past time is heavy and sharp. a beautiful lady contains little me accidentally. then she push it out to the world in fear and grief.

the girl grew extraordinary with full exposure senses. that and that broke them slowly. as far as she could understand, she was happy losing them. the not so red lips are now paler. the clear sight has taken from her little round eyes. her skin is darker. and she cannot listen to beautiful sounds as the other do. finding the world and its people are grotesque to care. 

she is now a friend of Siti Jenar's. the apprentice of Rumi. the follower of Maryam. the bestfriend of Gabriel. 

Eyes are like Hajar Aswad. They have sockets, put inside a chasm of dignity - to see, to feel. Once, the meteoric stone was white as clouds of the first day ramadhan, clear as the sky of the lailatul qadar's dusk. For thousand years, it witnessed too many.  My eyes used to bright and clear to see. Now they are opaque and blind - to see, to feel

eyes to the brain, to the heart. opaque. it creates weakness and stupidity. now i am wight. i walk to nowhere. i do tasks for zonk. the hell is waiting at the end of the street. am I heading through?

Remember last year when you told me

To always stay here and never leave me

The light from your eyes made it feel like

We-e-e were dancing in the moonlight

Remember last year when you told me

That these will be lifelong stories

The light from your eyes made it feel like

We-e-e, we're dancing in the moonlight

- Vanderwaal

and there is a memory, being repeated by ghost. about promises of candy land. how beautiful the heaven is? i need to change this destination.

Revive the dying soul with reading and writing

- rezkiyah saleh tjako

In the scale 1-10, I have 6 reasons to commit suicide. but I still have 4 reasons to stay alive: my family, my best friends, my pet, and of course Allah hates suicide.

In this life, people are evolving to be as greedy as possible. You are not cool if you thank too much. You have to feel always unsatisfied of what you've got. Like if you have one million today, don't be happy that fast! because having enough money to eat, to sleep, to save is never enough. you need more to but things that perhaps you will never need. you need more to rent things only to make the other feel jealous of yours.

If you are always be kind to everyone. Like you help without demanding feedback. even only teaching without considering the proper common payment is analyzed rude by them. In order to get appreciation by those greedy people, you have to be as bad as possible. do not share. do not trust anyone. do not do anything without payment. do not even smile if they won't smile back to you. 

by all of these facts, no wonder why there are too many fake things on the market. fake faces in television. fake writings in newspaper. fake like icons in your social media. I am not confusing about the way people behave nowadays. All clear, pathetic people want standing ovations from the other pathetic people. Evil for Evil. that is happening everywhere.

If I committed suicide today, they'll have party over my death. I will not please them of course. I am the master of my soul, I am the captain of my own fate. 

i have 4 reasons to stay alive and I am spending the rest of my life for them.

I wonder how He draw my destiny on His throne. I feel it's grotesque yet fascinating. I was born smart in mind and soul, to grow sensitive but vindicated. I am on my way to 27, as people told it would be the hardest time in young age. Now I am so lonely. No father to rely on, no best friend to talk with, no man to be in love. I have is a spirit to pursue my dream which I am not even sure it is a dream or only another shape of ambition or revenge. 

in another sentence, I am feeling lost.

I once, again, had a true love - at least, that's what I've felt for one year- then it's just suddenly disappear. Again, someone I love got misunderstood upon my attitudes and words. what the fuck is happening to me? it seems everything so easy to disappear. the more I try to keep them, the faster they run away. 

Baby really hurt me

Crying in the taxi

He don't wanna know me

Says he made the big mistake of dancing in my storm

Says it was poison

So I guess I'll go home

Into the arms of the girl that I love

The only love I haven't screwed up

She's so hard to please

But she's a forest fire

I do my best to meet her demands

Play at romance, we slow dance

In the living room, but all that a stranger would see

Is one girl swaying alone

Stroking her cheek

They say, "You're a little much for me

You're a liability

You're a little much for me"

So they pull back, make other plans

I understand, I'm a liability

Get you wild, make you leave

I'm a little much for

......................, everyone

The truth is I am a toy that people enjoy

'Til all of the tricks don't work anymore

And then they are bored of me

I know that it's exciting

Running through the night, but

Every perfect summer's

Eating me alive until you're gone

Better on my own

They're gonna watch me

Disappear into the sun

You're all gonna watch me

Disappear into the sun

* Lorde - Liability

sometimes I did my best then it's failed.

sometimes I did not give a damn, then it's just okay

sometimes I did the same and expected nothing in return, the result was still unbelievable.

but mostly, I tried baby, I tried. I am just a human being, born not to be perfect on any occasions. I've tried, baby. I've tried. 

following a sufi I adore the most, I think she made it well. there was only one love for her but she had everything. no fear in her life. no fear but fear of Him.

oh, wind

oh, earth,

oh, water

oh, fire

oh, iron

help me.

terasa sungguh mengejutkan, mengetahui ada beberapa atau sekelompok orang yang terus-menerus membuat cerita buruk tentangku. yang aneh, kebanyakan dari mereka justru tidak kukenali. aku tidak pernah berurusan sesuatu dengan mereka. cerita-cerita yang menyebar di antara mereka timbul tanpa adanya alasan yang jelas. aku sungguh terkejut, WOW, tidak menyangka aku sungguh berpengaruh, hingga ke lingkungan orang-orang yang tidak pernah berinteraksi denganku sebelumnya.