I am a Liability

I wonder how He draw my destiny on His throne. I feel it's grotesque yet fascinating. I was born smart in mind and soul, to grow sensitive but vindicated. I am on my way to 27, as people told it would be the hardest time in young age. Now I am so lonely. No father to rely on, no best friend to talk with, no man to be in love. I have is a spirit to pursue my dream which I am not even sure it is a dream or only another shape of ambition or revenge. 

in another sentence, I am feeling lost.

I once, again, had a true love - at least, that's what I've felt for one year- then it's just suddenly disappear. Again, someone I love got misunderstood upon my attitudes and words. what the fuck is happening to me? it seems everything so easy to disappear. the more I try to keep them, the faster they run away. 

Baby really hurt me

Crying in the taxi

He don't wanna know me

Says he made the big mistake of dancing in my storm

Says it was poison

So I guess I'll go home

Into the arms of the girl that I love

The only love I haven't screwed up

She's so hard to please

But she's a forest fire

I do my best to meet her demands

Play at romance, we slow dance

In the living room, but all that a stranger would see

Is one girl swaying alone

Stroking her cheek

They say, "You're a little much for me

You're a liability

You're a little much for me"

So they pull back, make other plans

I understand, I'm a liability

Get you wild, make you leave

I'm a little much for

......................, everyone

The truth is I am a toy that people enjoy

'Til all of the tricks don't work anymore

And then they are bored of me

I know that it's exciting

Running through the night, but

Every perfect summer's

Eating me alive until you're gone

Better on my own

They're gonna watch me

Disappear into the sun

You're all gonna watch me

Disappear into the sun

* Lorde - Liability

sometimes I did my best then it's failed.

sometimes I did not give a damn, then it's just okay

sometimes I did the same and expected nothing in return, the result was still unbelievable.

but mostly, I tried baby, I tried. I am just a human being, born not to be perfect on any occasions. I've tried, baby. I've tried. 

following a sufi I adore the most, I think she made it well. there was only one love for her but she had everything. no fear in her life. no fear but fear of Him.

oh, wind

oh, earth,

oh, water

oh, fire

oh, iron

help me.